Coming out of a tunnel

This picture was taking on our way home from Gatlinburg, I believe the tunnel is actually between there and Pigeon Forge. It's a really bad picture, but it perfectly illustrates how I feel coming off this trip.

Wyatt is 3 1/2 months old. He was born to a mother who was diagnosed with clinical depression 6 years ago, and who fights it unmedicated, most days pretty unsuccessfully. When he hit 2 months old, I think a little post partum blues came into the mix as well. I've touched on my mental-ness a little bit here lately, but honestly, the last 2 months have been so rough. It's hard to put a finger on, because I love my husband, I love my children, and I love my life. There are hitches of course-days the kids aren't on their best behavior, husband wants to be a ninny, baby doesn't sleep, etc. But in the grand scheme of things-I am so happy. The last while though, I've been living in a tunnel mentally. And it's been like all of my thoughts were going out and pinging off the sides banging into each other and rolling around like a massive pinball game. It's very restricting to have SO much in your head and the inability to get it out.

My house has been failing, my kids have started looking at me out of the side of their eye, and on and on. This is how depression affects me-I hole up, get cranky, and can't get the motivation to do much of anything. And then my husband suggested our trip.

It was less than 48 hours away, but it was just what I, and we, needed. I finally overcame my fear about talking to him about something I've been dreaming about for a long time. When I told him, he asked me why I was so scared. I couldn't really give him an answer. Why is anyone afraid of revealing their dreams? Ridicule? Fear of failure? Both of those for me. My first husband would have laughed and laughed had I told him, and done everything in his power to sabotage my efforts. BUT-Bobby is not my first husband, and I unwittingly transferred earlier behaviors to now. Bobby is SO supportive of anything and everything I want to do, his only condition is that I be happy. He will run to the store in the middle of the night if I need something to finish a project, he listens to me vent about what I did wrong and then tells me that no matter what it is that I made, it's wonderful. He also knows how to lend constructive criticism.

I digress.....once I finally told him my dream, it was like the floodgates opened and the fog lifted. We had been talking for about 2 hours straight at this point, and figured we should let the restaurant close, so we went back to the hotel. At which point, I proceeded to fill pages and pages of a notebook with notes, ideas, sketches, etc. Interjecting occasionally, what do you think about something like this honey? and getting his feedback. It was wonderful to get all of those things out of my head, and a plan in place.

In case you haven't guessed, the plan is to become Froggy Girl Designs, L.L.C. Ya'll, I'm gonna make a company! I haven't shown a TON of crafty stuff here, because frankly, I'm scared. I've started getting custom orders for things though that are being well received, so I'm really going to try and put it out there more. I have to get over my fear and show my products or the company will fail right? And I refuse to let it fail.

That being said, this is my most recent custom order for a CD visor. I love this one, the grays and black, it just looks so classy to me.


Thanks for reading if you have gotten this far! I'm off to feed the baby and get my day started-it's a whole new outlook over here!